Coping With Isolation

Coping with isolation can be very difficult when you are in an abusive relationship. When someone is in an abusive relationship, the abuser makes every effort to keep the abused isolated. Keeping the abused isolated from friends, family, and work colleagues gives the abuser an upper hand and control. Being in an abusive and controlling environment takes a toll on the abused mental and emotional well-being.

I lived through abuse for many years and became isolated from my family. I was never physically abused but emotional and financial abuse loomed over me in various degrees. Hopefully, someone will read this and provide some hope. Emotional abuse can affect both men and women, and there is no prejudice when dealing with someone like this.

How You’re Isolated

From the very beginning, my ex worked to isolate me from family and friends. The isolation began with subtle changes in the abuser. My ex started with discrediting my family and friends. Anything negatively said about family or friends would put doubt in my head. For example, “Michelle” is very unstable or wild. How do you trust someone like that?” You could also hear things like “Why should I/we help your mom? What has she done for us lately?”

My ex would always use his family as a leverage point. He told me phrases like “my mom/dad/grandma are disappointed in you” or “my mom/dad/grandma will be disappointed in you”. Over time I began to feel like my family and friends were really messed up. Most importantly, I needed to stay away or they would make me worse than I already was. There was always an unachievable standard I had to attempt to keep up with. As you can see I never made it to that standard.

Another way of isolating is by using my work as a leverage point. I was never really allowed to change jobs or advance the way I wanted. About 15 years ago, I wanted to go back and get my masters degree. Having a masters degree on top of experience would promote me to the next grade level sooner. When the topic of going back to school came up, little did I know going back to school on my part is selfish. I didn’t think how it affects other people. Silly me. *eye roll*

The Abuse Gets Worse After Isolation

Sorry to the bearer of bad news, but once the abuser isolates the abused, things get worse as time goes on. The isolation continues and now the abused is at fault for everything. Literally. One item I experienced the most resulted in significant doubt in my decision making abilities. For example, he ran late to work one morning, and I ended up taking the blame for allowing him to sleep in. “Whey didn’t you wake me up? You’re normally up by now? How could you let this happen?” I finally just apologized anytime something was wrong. I immediately knew in someway it was my fault.

Shame can be a powerful ally in manipulation techniques. If I made an honest mistake, you would think I was going to the cross for crucifixion. Mistakes often caught the attention of extreme blame. “How could you screw this up? I thought you were really smart?” Another good one is “my mom and dad are going to be very disappointed when they find out.” The list goes with more blame for just about eveything that went wrong.

The greatest fear of someone who has a form of a personality disorder is the fear of losing the abused. This is why they isolate so much. The closer the abuser keeps you, the easier you are to control and the less they fear. Unfortunately, when trying to cope with that isolation, the abused finds other ways to feel free. Often through other people.

Confiding In Others For Help Coping With Isolation

In my search to find meaning and help to cope with my isolation, I secretly turned to others for support. I needed someone to who could understand what I experienced. It didn’t matter where they were in the world or if they were male or female. All I wanted was for someone to hear me and validate how I felt. Didn’t seem like too much to ask for. Unfortunately, this approach only made things worse in the long run.

I made a number of good friends, both male and female. For me, it was easier to talk to men, so I naturally gravitated to them. Most of these were benign with little to no romantic feelings. However, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of becoming emotionally involved. This is nearly impossible to overcome when you are in a vulnerable state.

One instance occurred where I became physically involved with a medical provider. It wasn’t a doctor but more of an alternative medicine person. This went on for a few months and I eventually went and filed for divorce. Unfortunately, shame a guilt came over me and I returned back home and put the divorce on hold. Maybe I can make this work? Maybe? I was in the clear until the day my mistake was found out. If the emotional abuse and isolation wasn’t bad before, it certainly is now.

Further Isolation With No Coping Mechanism

Matters continued to get worse for me. Actions I took only fueled the insecurities and isolation worsened. With the shame I felt I wanted to do everything I could to make things better. After 15 years of being trained to believe I was the messed up one, I knew all of this was my fault. There must be something wrong with me for this action to be taken. All I felt was immense shame.

The shame I felt was used against me in many ways. It didn’t help that my in-laws had seen naked pictures of me, but his entire family knew about what happened. During any family gatherings I didn’t know who knew and who didn’t. All I felt was judgement coming from everyone. I could just hear the slut shaming remarks in their minds. Isolation worsened and I had no means of coping.

The pinnacle of his behavior came about when he forced me to call my granddad and my aunt. These were two people who thought very highly of me and gave me a lot of praise. For me to “fix things” I had to call them them and let them know I had an affair. I had to be knocked off my “golden stool” in their eyes. Now, I had completely given up on coping with isolation, and let any hope of getting out go. I was trapped.

Embracing My Nudity Helped Me Cope

After a year of shame, begging forgiveness, and going above and beyond so he would let me out of isolation, I thought back to who I was and how I could escape this myself. I didn’t want to leave because I knew my girls would be used as leverage. Sadly, it took years for me to understand this was a bad choice. I should have left. One thing I turned to was loving myself and embracing my naked body and the woman I am.

Embracing my nudity greatly helped my mental health. I became more confident in the person I am, and I started to not care what others thought of me. Particularly my ex! The greatest way my nudity helped with coping in isolation was the personal freedom it brought me. I may not have been able to control his actions, but I can certainly control mine. Being able to embrace this control uplifted me, provided encouragement and confidence, and gave me a way out. Although this practice was done in secret, I cannot emphasize enough how powerful this small action is.

The important thing to remember is you, as the abused, have to take back your power and control from the other person. They will not give it willingly and it scares them to death at the thought of losing that power. The more I dove into embracing my nudity and learning to cope with the isolation, the better I felt about myself and my chances. There are so many people out there, both men and women, who are in abusive relationships. Just because things look good on the surface does not mean they are behind closed doors.

Embracing The Naked Life Helped Me Grow

Many of my followers are mature adults. By Mature I mean over the age of 35. Once you reach a certain age with a number of years behind you, the wisdom of life is on your side. You have learned from your mistakes, and have grown from them. Those life lessons bring you wisdom that you never could have had at 20. There’s a reason some older people are cantankerous. They’ve been through some shit.

Learning more about the naturist life and how one embraces their body with all of it’s faults, gave me the hope that no matter my faults there is a group of people out there who will accept me for who I am. The only thing I’ve ever wanted is to be accepted for who I am. My ex could not do that. Nothing I did was ever good enough and my avoidance of the issues only made matters worse. However, talking to people who fully embrace the nudist lifestyle brought a bit of life into me. For once, acceptance.

It took many years for me to see this and realize how negatively my marriage affected my mental health. I’m still in therapy dealing with the bullshit my ex did to me, and the bullshit I continue to deal with. When I finally came to the conclusion that I wanted out of the marriage for good, he looked at me and told me that he can’t be around me. I was told that just my presence causes extreme anxiety and that he was moving out so he could have relief. The only words I had were I’m sorry to hear that, but I agree this would be the best thing for you. I’m sorry your in this position and that you have so much physical pain from us.

Finally Free From Coping With Isolation

Finally, I was free from living with this mess. Free from the constant isolation and trying to find new ways to cope. I am finally able to live my life the way I want to. My family has said that I have changed. I am a new person and someone who is actually happy. Honestly, I truly feel happy too. Well, except when my ex gets a crazy bought and stirs shit up. I have a better relationship with my mother and sister, and my relationship with my girls is perfect. Mike fell into my life and supports and embraces everything that is important to me. Even my wild ass ideas to get naked with other people.

I hope this has touched someone and that you feel empowered to take back control and yourself. Losing yourself to someone else’s abuse and insecurities is a very bad place to be. Even if the naked life is not for you, I encourage you to find something that only you can control. Taking back control of one or two aspects of your life will empower you to take the next steps. Keep fighting and keep going forward. When you do, you will no longer be coping with isolation. You will finally be free.

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Content updated April 2024. Post rewritten from a mid-COVID blog post.